True Love stories

 I have noticed that many of my Facebook friends are making it public that they have fallen into some amazing new relationship. Over thanksgiving, my granny and I were discussing the fact that it must be the season of love. :)
 In the past I have written some things on the topic of relationships, but today I want to share a little on the idea of true love.

"A young couple stood before the preacher. The sunshine peaked through the church window giving a slight glow to the bride's already shining face. They had finally made it! 
The preacher had them exchange vows, and it was easy to say "in sickness and in health; 'til death do us part". At that moment it seemed nothing would ever go wrong because they would live happily ever after. 
Years went by, trials came their way, and suddenly they were faced with the greatest challenge in their marriage. Cancer suddenly swept through his body. The pain, disillusionment, and  fear attacked them with a new force. It was at this moment that they realized the true meaning of "In sickness and in health; ' til death do us part". 
They could truly say that they had lived happily ever after because they had dreamed, grown, and loved through the times when others would have given up." 

Recently I read that a couple actually changed their vows to say ' til love do us part.
If we were to go by that alone, we may find that love gets disguised and hidden by other feelings at times. The love of the couple above is something that is purer and stronger.
This Thanksgiving and Christmas, the couple above is facing a difficult time and yet their love will hold them. True love walks down paths others would not walk, waits longer than other would wait, and gives more than others would give.
 

Two ways to say I love you

What is a guy looking for? what is a girl looking for? 

 These are probably two of the most important questions that singles ask.
There are many ways to say I love you, but God gave us the two most important for a relationship!

I learned another important lesson from my dad recently about what a guy wants.
We have always had a pretty close relationship...not perfect, but very good. Although we both have the crazy problem of being strong-willed, we also both cannot mask when something is wrong and have to talk it out.

Recently, we were clashing over some issues. I almost felt like I was not being heard; my concerns seemed to be ignored. One morning my dad asked me a question to which I replied with a snappish voice. My dad does not generally yell, but he gets that "look". You know the one I mean... I have always been more afraid of it than of a spanking.

        We were soon in a four hour discussion where I was able to voice my concerns and actually felt like I was heard. On the other hand, my dad told me that he didn't mind listening as long as he felt like I was respecting him along the way. He felt like the lack of respect was a sign of me pulling away in our relationship.

I am not just sharing this to air my dirty laundry :)
In our culture, girls have been raised to expect unconditional love and care from the man. Even the church is covered in the message of "husbands love your wives (Ephesians 5:25)". Note that this word Love means agape (unconditional, selfless). However, society almost scorns the previous verse which commands the woman to be "subject" to the man.

Dr. Eggerichs( 2004) has written a wonderful book on this topic. He claims that men value 'respect' just about as much as women value 'love' .
My dad was not confident in my love - no matter how much I said "I love you"- because he did not feel completely respected. On the other hand, I did not feel securely loved because I did not feel that he was fully listening to my concerns. Dr. Eggerichs calls this the "crazy cycle".
God commanded the man to Love (unconditionally), and He commanded the woman to be subject (respectful). God knew the man would feel loved if he were respected, and that the woman would feel loved if she were unconditionally cared for and understood.

If one or the other drops their end of the command, the crazy cycle begins.
No love --- She reacts--- No Respect--- He reacts....

 Does this mean the woman has to be a door mat? No, here is something my dad pointed out .

The line of subjection :
                                                       God
                                                                                  "I and my father are one"
                                                        Christ
                                                          
                                                         Man
                                                                                    "They shall be one flesh"
                                                        Woman 
God made eve from Adam's rib. He meant for them to be partners in the relationship.
Also notice that Christ loved the church with agape Love so much that he died. The church in return, loves so much that they respond with respect. 

After reading this, I watched how different relationships functioned around me in  movies, books, and families. Most arguments and break-ups began because couples got on this crazy cycle and could not get off.

Have you seen the movie "Fireproof" ? The couple in the movie was on this crazy cycle and moving quickly to divorce. The husband learned to love his wife unconditionally. He had to show that he valued her above all other things by destroying the pornography. It was not until she saw this that she began to respect him again.
However, a woman could just as easily take steps to stop the crazy cycle by unconditionally respecting her husband.
As you go about the rest of your week, take a moment to observe relationships near you. It is really interesting to me how one little concept can be a huge relationship saver.

I would be very interested to hear some feedback on this post. Leave me a comment about what makes you feel loved. Also, I will have a poll on the side of the page so take a moment to vote before you leave! :)

A symbol of Promise

      As a young girl, my dad would never allow us to have a “best friend”. He reasoned that choosing one best friend would exclude another friend. So we always had friends, good friends, and very good friends. My very good friends and I would create friendship bracelets and necklaces to symbolize our friendship. At times when we fought over who had the best parents or got jealous over who had the best toy, that symbol of friendship would have little meaning. However, as time and circumstances separated us, that symbol still reminded me of that friendship.

      My granny gave me an heirloom ring a few years back which symbolizes to me the love we share together. As I slipped the ring off my middle finger I began to think about the importance of a symbol like a ring. It’s not the ring that makes a relationship, it’s not the ring that keeps the promise, but it is the ring that helps us remember to keep that promise and hold that relationship near to our heart.

      Recently, a friend posted on facebook that we place wedding rings on that finger because it is the one finger with a vein that reaches all the way to the heart. Many people remove that ring when a heart has been broken. Promises are becoming as disposable as the symbols of those promises. Think about promises you have made, take a look at the symbol, and get back to keeping that promise all that you have!

For the ladies

Tonight my dad taught on the virtuous woman which really got me thinking.

How would you define “virtuous”?

I defined it as moral, good, and honorable. However, the actually definition is “force, army, valor”.

 For me, that put a whole new view of the statement “behind every good man is a good woman”.  If we would chase after becoming a virtuous woman rather than chasing after every guy in reasonable distance, we could a force to be reckoned with!  What then is a virtuous woman?

Proverbs 31:10

1.       Priced above rubies

2.       Trustworthy   

3.       Do good not evil

4.       Not afraid to work hard and get dirty

5.       Takes care of her home

6.       Wise about investments  and finances

7.       Works late in the night to provide clothing for herself and family

8.       Giving to others

9.       Elegant

10.    Husband known in high places

11.   Strong, honorable, wise, kind, diligent, fears God.

 

Notice that the list of virtues did not mention physical beauty.  A virtuous woman is beautiful on the inside which makes her beautiful outwardly.

 

As a child I always heard that you should look at the character of a person more than the outward appearance.  Ask yourself:

How does she treat her dad? How does he treat his mom? How do they treat others?

I have heard that the honeymoon (starry-eyed moment) of marriage lasts up to 2 years and then marriage maintenance and character kick in.

How a person treats family and friends before they marry, will most likely be how they treat you after the honeymoon years end.  Taking a little more time to evaluate character over appearance could be the determining factor in a happy marriage.

 

The level of a virtuous woman can almost seem impossible to measure up to, but we should at least put a good effort forward.

 

I am learning how important it is to work on becoming a better person as a whole for your future husband. Really, we need to stop worrying so much about finding a guy, and look more at becoming the virtuous woman that our husbands can trust in and honor with praise.